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Stephen A. Davis's avatar

Another story with upside-down oceans! Awesome haha

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Scoot's avatar

As requested, doing a beta read for you. I'm going to treat each episode as a stand-alone episode, as if i was watching a tv series. Each segment of a story ought to stand for itself, yet connect to the broader arc of the narrative. I don't have any expertise in this but I do enjoy it so I appreciate that you have offered me the opportunity!

First impressions--WOW. Imaginative, deep, approachable. You don't over-explain, neither am I left wondering. You are clearly setting the stage, laying the groundwork for your whole epic. It was exciting and fun. But also--nothing happened. In it's briefest, a demon came and retrieved the nameless one and they flew off and away.

That's perfectly fine, as I know this is a foundation-step for the rest of the story. This feels like it would connect best with whatever comes next. There's a lot of questions--which is good for this point in the story--but I don't know what the story is yet. I can't tell if the main character is Malasara or Anamaka. I can't tell why I should care about either of them. Malasara seems cool, I appreciated how he was introduced--leaping down a ravine and landing gently, that's a great way to intro a character and reveal that something is different. But at this stage--I don't know who anamaka is and I don't care about him. There's no hints as to why I should.

None of this should be construed as a criticism though, because it's hard to review a part without the context of the whole. But this was my first taste and I think it's worth it to know that some suggestion of story ought to be made at least this early.

I am really excited to read the next episode! Very well done, Sujan!

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